Havamal Part 8 - The Mating Game

Blessings Darlings!

This week in the Havamal - Odhinn trashes women. And men. Or at least dating. Or speaks of the challenges of actually finding intimacy. 

While the words used usually say love here .... more of the time it sounds like lust, or day dreams.  For all logic, all sense is thrown away.  This is not about finding someone to spend the rest of your life with! 

At best it's love as illness, love as destroyer.  Tristan and Isolde-level strurm und drang.  I suppose that shouldn't be a surprise, given the era this came from.  Survival then really did depend in large part on wise choice in a mate and their family.  You had a role in the survival of your extended family, your clan, your tribe, your village to uphold.

It didn't matter if you were gay or straight, for that matter.  You  needed to marry, to form an alliance to strengthen your tribe and to have children, explained   Alexi Kondratiev in a class at Sacred Space Conference some years back.  The group was more important than the individual.

No man should trust a maiden's words,
Nor what a woman speaks:
Spun on a wheel were women's hearts,
In their breasts was implanted caprice,

To love a woman whose ways are false
Is like sledding over slippery ice
With unshod horses out of control,
Badly trained two-year-olds,
Or drifting rudderless on a rough sea,
Or catching a reindeer with a crippled hand
On a thawing hillside: think not to do it.

Naked I may speak now for I know both:
Men are treacherous too
Fairest we speak when falsest we think:
many a maid is deceived.

Gallantly shall he speak and gifts bring
Who wishes for woman's love:
praise the features of the fair girl,
Who courts well will conquer.

Never reproach another for his love:
It happens often enough
That beauty ensnares with desire the wise
While the foolish remain unmoved.

Never reproach the plight of another,
For it happens to many men:
Strong desire may stupefy heroes,
Dull the wits of the wise

Yeah, the blood leaves the brain and goes to regions farther south, in both men and women.

The mind alone knows what is near the heart,
Each is his own judge:
The worst sickness for a wise man
Is to crave what he cannot enjoy.

So I learned when I sat in the reeds,
Hoping to have my desire:
Lovely was the flesh of that fair girl,
But nothing I hoped for happened.

I saw on a bed Billing's daughter,
Sun white, asleep:
No greater delight I longed for then
Than to lie in her lovely arms.

"Come" Odhinn, after nightfall
If you wish for a meeting with me:
All would be lost if anyone saw us
And learned that we were lovers."

Afire with longing" I left her then,
Deceived by her soft words:
I thought my wooing had won the maid,
That I would have my way.

After nightfall I hurried back,
But the warriors were all awake,
Lights were burning, blazing torches:
So false proved the path

Towards daybreak back I came
The guards were sound asleep:
I found then that the fair woman
Had tied a bitch to her bed.
WHY is it that "All would be lost if anyone saw us and learned that we were lovers'?  I'm thinking that would have been a question he should have asked and dealt with up front.  Probably back to individual pleasure over the needs of the tribe?

Many a girl when one gets to know her
Proves to be fickle and false:
That treacherous maiden taught me a lesson,
The crafty woman covered me with shame"
That was all I got from her.

Certainly this rings true about dating/courtship.  Odhinn here seems to have wanted to get laid, rather than the public 'we are an item' coupling, and certainly not marriage.  If marriage was the goal he'd not have agreed to keep things secret.

Courtship.  Let's look at the third definition from the Bing dictionary: friendly and often ingratiating attention for the purpose of winning a favor or establishing an alliance or other relationship.  Were any of the folks talked of so far doing anything working towards marriage, towards intimacy - the #1 definition of 'courtship' from Bing (the period of a romantic relationship before marriage)?  Nope.  It's all game playing. 

Now, I personally think that dating to have fun and even get laid is fine - not all dating SHOULD lead to marriage.  But I'm of the opinion that if you're out for a good time, be up front about.  Own it.  It's okay. 

But some folks ARE going to lie about their intent and lead you on to think that they are on the same songsheet you're on.  Which is why you test, you evaluate.  How do they treat others?  What are their values? Especially if YOU are into dating/courtship in search of marriage and real intimacy.

Gunnlod sat me in the golden seat,
Poured me precious mead:
Ill reward she had from me for that,
For her proud and passionate heart,
Her brooding foreboding spirit.

What I won from her I have well used:
I have waxed in wisdom since I came back,
bringing to Asgard Odrerir,
the sacred draught.

Hardly would I have come home alive
From the garth of the grim troll,
Had Gunnlod not helped me, the good woman,
Who wrapped her arms around me.

Here, of course, Odhinn is the jerk, having tricked Gunnlod into giving him 3 'sips' of the mead according to Prose Edda version of the story, one for every night spent schtupping.  Not unlike Freya sleeping with a dwarf for every stone in her necklace Brisingamen.  Of course, Freya didn't totally empty the supply of amber, while Odhinn DID drink all the Mead of Poetic Inspiration!

Shun a woman, wise in magic,
Her bed and her embraces:
If she cast a spell, you will care no longer
To meet and speak with men,
Desire no food, desire no pleasure,
In sorrow fall asleep.

Snort. Baby boy, a woman wise in magic doesn't need spells to keep a man.  Or just cue my dear Frank Sinatra singing "Witchcraft".

 Sigh....  Ahem.  Back to the Havamal..

Never seduce anothers wife,
Never make her your mistress.

Never open your heart to an evil man
When fortune does not favour you:
From an evil man, if you make him your friend,
You will get evil for good.

I saw a warrior wounded fatally
By the words of an evil woman
Her cunning tongue caused his death,
Though what she alleged was a lie.

Is all of this, really, about putting one's self and one's personal desires above those of your tribe?  About forgetting to judge a potential mate by the same standards you judge the worthiness of your friends and associates? Of putting pleasure above sense?

I'm going to have to puzzle that one out more over time.

Frondly, Fern

Secret Stuff

Blessings, Darlings!

Today I started planning for my husband's birthday.  Which is not until the end of August.  But at the end of August he will be in Phoenix at the Microchip Technology MASTERs Conference .... and I will be here on the east coast.

So getting him some birthday on his birthday is going to be a bit of a challenge.  However, since he NEVER reads my blog, I can plan it here safely.

The MASTERs conference - and I'll probably put up banners for it later, we tend to be the 3rd party vendor who out performs everyone else at promoting the conference - gets at least 500 people in attendance.  It used to get about 900, but since then they have started offering them all over the world, so far fewer Europeans and Asians come to the main one.  Still, 500 people in one dining room is a substantial amount of people.

So .. I've e-mailed one contact at  MCHP so far, and tweeted another, and may e-mail yet another.  What I want is for someone to lead the folks eating dinner in singing "Happy Birthday" to the Chubby Hubby.

Now, the fact that this would get a bit more attention to our business at the conference, and the classes that the Chubby Hubby teaches there, isn't the point of this .... but I suppose that type of thing could happen.

I did something like this once before.  Back in 1987 I was very pregnant, and we were on vacation in Oregon.  We were up at Timberline Lodge at Mt Hood.  I could not walk 10 steps without having to stop and rest.  The Chubby Hubby wanted to hike.  I sent him out without me - hiking was NOT an option for me.  It was his birthday.  I called the dining room, made our dinner reservation.  I made sure that they knew it was his birthday, and that his dessert should come with a candle, a group singing, and an extra helping of embarassment.  That night, as I did request, so it was done.

The Chubby Hubby LOVED it.  Ate it up with a spoon.  Loved the dessert, too.

This might be as epic, if I work it right.

Frondly, Fern

Not In The Stars

Blessings, Darlings!

I've been married a LONG LONG time - since 1980 (just after Mt. St. Helens went off, for those keeping records).  But it's not been easy.

I'm a Sagittarius.  There are many things we Sag's are. Obsessively organized NOT being one of them.  We're a fire sign - we want to get the show on the road, and deal with issues as they come up.

Or, in practical terms - I started packing as soon as we were faced with moving, some 6 weeks ago.  I started in the room I knew we'd move first.

My husband, on the other hand, is a Virgo, and a Virgo VERY near the Leo cusp.  Virgos are organized.  Okay, my experience is that Virgos are micromanagers. A micromanager on the Leo cusp means a micromanager who thinks that the world revolves around himself.

Or, in practical terms - my husband has NOT started packing.  He didn't want to start packing until
  1 - we had a new place lined up, totally.  Lease signed and all
  2 - we had a floor plan
  3 - we had EXACT MEASUREMENTS on the floor plan, down to where every electrical outlet is.
  4 - we had decided, based on all the above, exactly where in which room every piece of furniture would go.
  5 - we had decided, based on all the above, exactly in what order we'd move each room/type of item.

He finished all today, just after noon.

By the way - the order 'we' finally decided on is the same order that was apparent to me 6 weeks ago.

Since I didn't wait for his needs to be met before I started packing, I had data available for him on how many boxes it will take to pack a single bookshelf, or a full book case.  He had the notion that it would be maybe one box.  Nope, for his books, which he has two or more rows of per shelf or are big (aka Encyclopaedia Brittanica) it's at least two boxes per shelf.

He thought everything would go into boxes, and we'd need a whole lot of wardrobe boxes.  I pointed out that wardrobe boxes are a pain in the butt to handle, and that bagging our hanging clothes/coats with contractor's sized 55 gallon garbage bags would be far easier to deal with, as well as far cheaper. 

I have not killed him, as we spent the entire morning when I could have packed several bookcases planning things in excruciating - and to me unnecessary - detail.  He did not kill me over the past few weeks as I packed even tho' he did not want me to.

Marriage.  Not the sissies.  Especially if your stars aren't aligned well.

Frondly, Fern

Family

Blessings, Darlings!

This losing-weight/getting fit program I'm on is a solo program - the rest of the family isn't coming on this roller coaster with me.  Which has good and bad points.

Bad, of course, is that they want, and are getting, normal meals.  Tonight's dinner was served with puff pastry for them, but brown rice for me.  I made the brown rice in bulk a few days ago, so nuking some wasn't a big deal. My son is still bringing home the fried chicken lunches he doesn't eat, as we're having that for dinner once a week.  I eat mine minus the skin and breading.  And it KILLS me to take the skin and breading off and throw it away!

On the other hand, I'm Druish - Druid of Jewish Origins.  So I'm making the most of the Martyr Points I get for letting them not change their eating habits while I change mine.  I also get oodles of Self Righteousness Points and Smugness Points.  I hug those points to myself as I have fruit for dessert.

Actually, I AM slowing moving their diets in 'my' direction.  For example, we had pasta last night.  I had whole wheat, they had regular white semolina based.  But both TASTED mine, and agreed it was perfectly adequate.  Which is an improvement - in the pasta, not their taste buds.  Whole wheat pasta used to taste overly sweet and didn't have anywhere NEAR the same mouth-feel as regular pasta, but now the taste and mouth feel is almost the same as the regular.  So I will be able to serve them whole wheat pasta now, or at least a mix of the two.

We'll see what other steps I can get them to take with me.  Maybe my husband will take walks more often, or walks that are longer than 12 minutes?  Yes, I timed his walks!  I admit it!  Using chutneys to season lean meats is right out as husband HATES that, and he hates sweet salsas, too.

The Chubby Hubby IS helping one aspect of my diet.  I bought a bag of tiny square 3 Musketeers, and gave them to him to dole out to me when I ask for them.  Only one or two at a time.  They have only 25 calories but really nice sweetness and, of course, CHOCOLATE.  They make me very happy.

Frondly, Fern