Not In The Stars

Blessings, Darlings!

I've been married a LONG LONG time - since 1980 (just after Mt. St. Helens went off, for those keeping records).  But it's not been easy.

I'm a Sagittarius.  There are many things we Sag's are. Obsessively organized NOT being one of them.  We're a fire sign - we want to get the show on the road, and deal with issues as they come up.

Or, in practical terms - I started packing as soon as we were faced with moving, some 6 weeks ago.  I started in the room I knew we'd move first.

My husband, on the other hand, is a Virgo, and a Virgo VERY near the Leo cusp.  Virgos are organized.  Okay, my experience is that Virgos are micromanagers. A micromanager on the Leo cusp means a micromanager who thinks that the world revolves around himself.

Or, in practical terms - my husband has NOT started packing.  He didn't want to start packing until
  1 - we had a new place lined up, totally.  Lease signed and all
  2 - we had a floor plan
  3 - we had EXACT MEASUREMENTS on the floor plan, down to where every electrical outlet is.
  4 - we had decided, based on all the above, exactly where in which room every piece of furniture would go.
  5 - we had decided, based on all the above, exactly in what order we'd move each room/type of item.

He finished all today, just after noon.

By the way - the order 'we' finally decided on is the same order that was apparent to me 6 weeks ago.

Since I didn't wait for his needs to be met before I started packing, I had data available for him on how many boxes it will take to pack a single bookshelf, or a full book case.  He had the notion that it would be maybe one box.  Nope, for his books, which he has two or more rows of per shelf or are big (aka Encyclopaedia Brittanica) it's at least two boxes per shelf.

He thought everything would go into boxes, and we'd need a whole lot of wardrobe boxes.  I pointed out that wardrobe boxes are a pain in the butt to handle, and that bagging our hanging clothes/coats with contractor's sized 55 gallon garbage bags would be far easier to deal with, as well as far cheaper. 

I have not killed him, as we spent the entire morning when I could have packed several bookcases planning things in excruciating - and to me unnecessary - detail.  He did not kill me over the past few weeks as I packed even tho' he did not want me to.

Marriage.  Not the sissies.  Especially if your stars aren't aligned well.

Frondly, Fern

Long Term 'Care' Rantfest

Yes, Fronds, I'm ranting.

Mom's still in the nursing home, getting rehab.

"Everyone" thinks that Mom now needs care 24/7. She has limited eyesight & hearing. She is paranoid and somewhat delusional (she thinks that people come into her condo thru' the walls and steal things). She doesn't feel that folks come in when others are staying with her - I assume because she gets stimulation with companionship so her brain doesn't fill in new things to see and hear. She has muscle weakness which along with her limited eyesight contributes to her falling. She has some level of dementia. This, to them, equals incompetence. This, to me, equals disabilities.

Mom would like companionship after the cousin that has been staying with her goes back to Florida.

The same cousin who wouldn't get her husband the lawyer to help Mom give me Power Of Attorney (either medical or financial) now wants me to make all medical and financial decisions for my mother. Which I can't legally do, because I don't have the bloody POAs. And which is hard for me to do since I am in DC and Mom in is Chicago. And NOW can Mom legally give me POA if she is 'incompetent', or do I have to bloody go to court and PROVE that she is 'incompetent'?

Let me guess - I'm supposed to hide the fact that she's 'incompetent' to get the POAs and then use the 'fact' that she's 'incompetent' to USE the POAs.

But let's add to that issues with Mom's Long Term Health insurance. Which I can't talk to, because I don't have the financial POA - and let's not pretend that insurance is about her medical issues, health, or safety. I need a FINANCIAL POA to get information from them.

The insurer that she has been sending thousands of dollars to for years and years and years is, shall we say, severely financially unsound. So, rather than saving that coverage for when she gets really frail and vulnerable and care is even more expensive, the cousins think we should use it now. The company may die, and, 'let's face it, she's 94, she's not going to live that much longer. In their 90's they go quickly'. This from a cousin whose father lived to 99.

But it IS true that our family members die soon after they go into nursing homes. Is it because they are old, because they are frail, or because they give up (or because of some combination of the above)? They last a month or two, then die of pneumonia.

Anyway, the Long Term Care insurer doesn't accept what any silly doctor, nursing home, social workers, therapists, etc, say a person needs. First, Mom needs a date when she'll be released from the nursing home. Then Mom will need to call them and ask for care, they will set up a phone evaluation of her, then they will send paperwork to the doctor, then a nurse will evaluate her, then they will decide what THEY think she needs. A 30 day process. They can't even tell me what her policy covers, since I don't have a financial POA. Never mind that I'm asking what MEDICAL/CARE coverage that is. So even if I had a medical POA I'd be screwed.

At the end of 30 days, of course, what THEY decide to cover is not guaranteed to be 'what the doctor ordered'.

And the policy only runs 3 years. Not to worry, says cousins, both she and insurer will be dead by then. Let's hear it for the Death Panels!


Frustratedly, Fern