Working Thru' Pain

Blessings, Darlings!

There are a LOT of obstacles to self-improvement.  It doesn't matter what type of self-improvement it is: educational, emotional, physical, business, spiritual, whatever. 

They all take work.  They all require overcoming inertia.  They all require that you do that incredibly scary thing - change. 

There is pain associated with work and growth and change.  On the whole, we humans don't like pain.  Thus, we tend to get into patterns that limit the amount of change we have to do.  Which means we don't grow, we don't improve.

But facing the pain, working thru' pain, overcoming inertia, is the only way to improve your life.  The only way to grow and become more of your ideal self.

Mundane example: I've written about my knee before, arthritis and now torn meniscus that I can't afford surgery on (and, yes, we're working on the finances, painful as THAT is, and things are somewhat better thank you for asking).  If I don't do my exercises (physical therapy PLUS biking and walking) not only will it not improve, but it gets worse.  Walking and taking stairs HURTS if I blow off exercising (which I admit I hate doing) for as little as 3 days in a row.  And if I give in to the pain that starts when I don't exercise, then the knee continues to get worse - I could end up just sitting on a couch, my leg extended, having trouble even getting up to hit the bathroom.

That's not the life I want.  So I exercise.  And if I do hit times when I miss too much exercise (because I have screwed up my schedule!), then the BEST thing I can do for the pain is work thru' it.  Do the physical therapy routine. Walk a mile and a half, tho' it hurts.  Get 20 minutes in on the exercise bike, even if I have to do it in 5 minute segments.  Because if I don't avoid the pain, if I work thru' it, then quickly I'll see improvement. 

If I complain that my knee hurts, my husband will ask what he can do to help.  The WORST thing I could ask for is for him to take over things so I can stay on that couch.  Instead, if he handles answering the business phones while I exercise, THAT is the help I need to improve myself.   Patting me on the head, saying "oh, you poor dear, stay right where you are" would SOUND supportive but would in FACT be undermining my health.

It's no different for others types of healing or growth.  You don't need codependents working to keep you where you are.  You need to work thru' the pain.  You need to celebrate the challenges - roar at them take them on with vigor.  Make challenges your bitch.

Am I able to do this 24/7 right now?  Nope.  Is it what I am working for?  Damn skippy I am!

Join me.  Rawr!

Frondly, Fern

Can It.

Blessings, Darlings!

It's canning season again!  I've been doing fruit so far, but tomatoes (okay, technically a berry) and corn and beans are going to be canned soon.

It's hot and time consuming work, but not exactly intellectually demanding.  Which means I have time to do magic and to ponder things.  I'll talk about the magic in this post.

Back in the day, when I was a kid, one of the stories we were told about Benjamin Franklin was that he and his father were putting up barrels of pork (no doubt layered with salt).  Ben, who was NOT impressed by the long time spent at each meal saying grace, reported said something along the lines of "Dude, why don't we do the grace thing now, over the whole barrel, and get it over with?  We'd get our eat on faster at dinner..."

Well, I'm not taking quite that approach to the canning, but I AM invoking the blessings of the Gods on each batch I can.  Working for health. For wholeness.  For it to feed us body and soul. 

I layer flavors in my cooking (even the peaches I just canned had added cinnamon), it's time I started layering blessings in all I do.

Frondly, Fern

Playing With Fire

Blessings, Darlings!

As some of y'all know, I have some issues with depression/Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  It started when I was very young, around age 10 or earlier.  Over the years I've tried a large assortment of therapies and drugs, and currently it's pretty well controlled with Effexor and having set up a system of accountability (so I don't try to duck/ignore anything that makes me anxious, a 'solution' which of course causes more problems than it solves).

Still, there are times when stress is high and it kicks in, and I have to change or increase medications or add some talk therapy for a while.  When that occurs ... I cut down or completely cut OUT doing deep spiritual work.

You may be asking 'why' - why would Fern 'turn from the Gods' when she seems to need them the most?

Well, I don't turn from the Gods - I still talk with them (and they get their messages across to me).  Same with the nature spirits, and the ancestors.  And I still meditate, since that helps (as does exercise, for that matter) But I do respect the intertwining of body/mind/spirit.  And I've found that it's best to work with one variable at a time.  

J. H. Brennan wrote about this in the introduction to Dolores Ashcroft-Nowicki's WONDERFUL book "The Ritual Magick Workbook".  He talks of having nervous breakdowns after starting his occult studies, and goes into why esoteric training easily and often increases depression to such an extent that it will push you over the edge.  The short reason is that MOST spiritual/occult things you do - in any system - are DESIGNED to influence all of your energy systems.  And all of your energy systems (physical, mental, spiritual, chi, endocrine, emotional, sympathetic and parasympathetic, kundalini, etc - ALL OF THEM ) interact in ways that are intricate and powerful. 


So, the last time this happened ... probably not coincidentally while the coven I'm in was doing a year of Kabalistic workings (and I was prepping the working on Binah, for goodness sake!) .... I took a leave of absence from the coven I'm in that allowed me to have space to adjust drugs/therapy without the added variable of continuing the Kabalistic (and other) coven work.  I felt it would be detrimental to MY mental health to continue at that time, and unfair for me to burden my High Priestess with mediating any effects my out of control spiritual/occult energies could have on the coven's Group Mind.  (For the record, I'm SURE she could have handled doing that!)


And I bring this up now .... why?


I'm so glad you asked that!  I bring this up because lately I've seen a whole lot of folks who have depression or other emotional and mental challenges who really really want to work on their spiritual development ... whose depression or mental illnesses are not currently under any control at all.  And I'm scared for them.  These paths we walk are dangerous even for those who aren't pre-disposed, and for those who are pre-disposed but controlled and aware of the dangers and early warning signs of trouble.  For those whose mental/emotional issues are NOT in control - on this path lies madness. 


Literally. Madness.  Dousing yourself with gasoline and jumping into bonfire madness.  Not peace.  Not initiation.  Not MORE control, but LESS control. 


Stop.  Don't do it.  Don't do energy work.  Don't do trance work.  Don't do Pathworkings.  Don't attend 'transformative workshops'.  Don't attend Pagan festivals, where folks get ungrounded as it is from all the energy darting about. 

Pray, yes.  Talk with the Gods.  Make offerings.  Honor the cycles of nature.  Attend generic public rituals. Stay grounded with exercise, good food, good air, talking with real counselors, try on the appropriate prescribed drugs.

Frondly, Fern

Focus, Dammit

Blessings, Darlings!

I've already lost one Twitter follower over what I'm going to post here (and I sure didn't go into as much detail in 140 characters as I'm going to do here).  But, for goodness sake folks, if you are getting something out of your life - be it meat, or refined carbs, or people or whatever - then really get the things out of your life.  Stop blogging/posting/commenting on what is OUT of your life, and focus on what is IN your life.

Focusing on what is 'not in your life' keeps the stuff IN your life.

If you've gone vegetarian, stop the obsessing with other people eating meat - otherwise 'meat' is still a focus of your life.  If someone offers you some, you just say 'I don't do that anymore, thanks" and eat something else.

Same thing if you have decided to no longer let your past limit you now.  Stop pointing out the scars you got from your past.  Pointing them out - focusing on the scars - keeps the past as your organizing principle.

Friends/family keep bringing up your ex? Calmly say that you are not going to discuss that issue any more, it's over, and change the subject.  And do NOT change it to "why do you keep insisting on discussing 'this topic'.  Change it to something positive or future oriented.  Like your planned vegan meal for dinner, and how you love it (see?  not how you are 'replacing meat with X, Y, or Z).

Remember that Zen allegory:  "Older monk and younger monk walking to the next town together.  At a river, there is a woman trying to cross, unsuccessfully, so is back on the short, crying or whatever.  As monks, they aren't even supposed to NOTICE women (which I think is bullshit, and that this is an American story 'set in Asia to be cool', but, well, whatever).  The older monk, saying nothing, picks the woman up and crosses the river with her.  On the other side, still silent, he puts her down and continues on his way.

"Younger monk is fuming!  They walk for a few hours, and then younger monk turns to his companion, saying "WTF? We aren't supposed to touch women, we aren't supposed to NOTICE women, and there you were, picking one up.  You are SO full of crap!"  Older monk looks at him, and replies "I put the woman down hours ago - why are you still carrying her?"


Just do it.


Frondly, Fern

Cheap, Not Easy

Blessings, Darlings!


Did you know that the USDA estimates how much it costs to eat? "The Thrifty, Low-Cost, Moderate-Cost, and Liberal Food Plans each represent a nutritious diet at a different cost. The Thrifty Food Plan is the basis for food stamp allotments."  The site with ALL the links is here http://www.cnpp.usda.gov/USDAFoodPlansCostofFood.htm.


The most recent data - for May, 2011 - is available here: http://www.cnpp.usda.gov/Publications/FoodPlans/2011/CostofFoodMay2011.pdf  (where they also have links to what they figure people will each on each plan.)  According to them a family of thee, one woman my age, one man my husband's age, one man my son's age, will need to spend $494.90 a month ON THE THRIFTY - the LOWEST COST - of the plans.

Right now my budget for all 'grocery' type items (food, cleaning supplies, cat supplies including Frontline but NOT including the vet) I'm spending $400 a month.   Which I suppose explains why I'm finding this really really hard to live on. That's rather a relief, as I had begun to think that I was screwing up somehow.


I could not do this without having a freezer - which allows me to shop sales and stock up on things.  And I certainly couldn't do this if I wasn't cooking almost everything from scratch, which probably means I couldn't do it if I had to leave the house to work.

Castle of Arianrhod

                     Castle of Arianrhod

presented by

The Fellowship of the Ancient White Stag

Assembly of the Sacred Wheel Elder Michael Smith will be teaching a fascinating workshop and leading the Castle of Arianrhod ritual.

This is an open & free event--however donations are welcomed and will benefit

the New Alexandrian Library.

Class size and ritual size are limited to 40 people.

For more information and to preregister,

contact

Monica (witchrabbit1@yahoo.com) or Lyndsay (h_lyndsay@yahoo.com).

Date: July 30

Time: Gather: 1:30, workshop 2:00

Location: Sandy Spring Community Center

17801 Meeting House Rd

Sandy Spring MD 20860

 

Dreams

Blessings, Darlings!

My Spawn had one of those really neat dreams recently, that I'm going to steal for a magical working soon.

In his dream, he was playing video games (yes, he's a young male through and through).  As is so often the case, the character he was playing had the option of buying some tools/skills.  One of the options was to buy 60 dreams.  He bought that.

Apparently, since that time, he's been remember his dreams FAR more than ever before in his life.

I'm wondering what he paid for this ability, mind you.  Still, this concept is one I can work with!

Frondly, Fern