The other day, in "The Life You Save", I pointed out how a volunteer firefighter was useless in the face of an emergency. She's no longer my problem now that I don't work with her. My problem is that the Chubby Hubby is useless in most emergencies!
Take that one Christmas. At 5:30 that cold morning we were awakened to the sight of a car on fire across the street. Turned out that an arsonist had lit 4 cars in our city and the close by village, and one was across the street from us. My husband stood at the window in his tighty whities staring at the fire. I called 911, and got dressed. He did eventually dress and join me and the neighbors outside as we did what we could with fire extinguishers (useless) and moved nearby cars.
Or take the day the Spawn was stung by a bee at school. I was working outside the home at the time, so it must have been towards the end of grammar school, say 5th grade. Sting was by eye, it was near the end of the day - they removed stinger and had CH pick Spawn up. CH called me in a panic about what to do. Okay, CH, here's what you do: give him a dose of Benadryl, give him some ice in a washcloth for the eye, if he starts swelling up and/or has trouble breathing go to the ER, and if you're still nervous call the pediatrician for more info. And I told my boss I needed to leave for a family emergency - because my husband was melting down over the Spawn's bee sting. For the record, Spawn had been stung before, and has no known allergy to bee stings. I got home in time to get the return phone call from the Dr's office. The nurse agreed with all I'd told the CH.
There was the recent incident when he got lightheaded the day after his abcessed tooth was removed and he was on HEAPS of antibiotics ... but you get the picture.
The time *I* am the one ill or injured I'm going to be in a heap of trouble, because he won't be useful. When I had a year of stomach trouble, he kept pushing me to have milk 'to settle my stomach'. It turned out I was lactose intolerant, FFS.