Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Focus, Dammit

Blessings, Darlings!

I've already lost one Twitter follower over what I'm going to post here (and I sure didn't go into as much detail in 140 characters as I'm going to do here).  But, for goodness sake folks, if you are getting something out of your life - be it meat, or refined carbs, or people or whatever - then really get the things out of your life.  Stop blogging/posting/commenting on what is OUT of your life, and focus on what is IN your life.

Focusing on what is 'not in your life' keeps the stuff IN your life.

If you've gone vegetarian, stop the obsessing with other people eating meat - otherwise 'meat' is still a focus of your life.  If someone offers you some, you just say 'I don't do that anymore, thanks" and eat something else.

Same thing if you have decided to no longer let your past limit you now.  Stop pointing out the scars you got from your past.  Pointing them out - focusing on the scars - keeps the past as your organizing principle.

Friends/family keep bringing up your ex? Calmly say that you are not going to discuss that issue any more, it's over, and change the subject.  And do NOT change it to "why do you keep insisting on discussing 'this topic'.  Change it to something positive or future oriented.  Like your planned vegan meal for dinner, and how you love it (see?  not how you are 'replacing meat with X, Y, or Z).

Remember that Zen allegory:  "Older monk and younger monk walking to the next town together.  At a river, there is a woman trying to cross, unsuccessfully, so is back on the short, crying or whatever.  As monks, they aren't even supposed to NOTICE women (which I think is bullshit, and that this is an American story 'set in Asia to be cool', but, well, whatever).  The older monk, saying nothing, picks the woman up and crosses the river with her.  On the other side, still silent, he puts her down and continues on his way.

"Younger monk is fuming!  They walk for a few hours, and then younger monk turns to his companion, saying "WTF? We aren't supposed to touch women, we aren't supposed to NOTICE women, and there you were, picking one up.  You are SO full of crap!"  Older monk looks at him, and replies "I put the woman down hours ago - why are you still carrying her?"

Just do it.

Frondly, Fern


  1. Great post :D

    My mum always goes on about how her sister and parents upset/annoy/anger her and when she's finally finished in her rant she will say "Not that I care". If she didnt care she wouldn't go on about it. Grrr!

  2. Sorry that you lost a Twitter follower over this, and hopefully they'll come around. It's a hard lesson to learn, especially for those of us who seemingly have to make the same mistake repeatedly before the lesson is learned...like me.

    But I think this particular lesson has finally stuck! One of my favorite sayings, which helped me get over an ex when I first found it (on a bumper sticker!), is: "Cry yourself a river, build yourself a bridge, and get over it!"

  3. I try and try and try so hard to not think about that one person that isn't in my life anymore. But every now and then, he just pops into my head and i'm like, "GAAAHHH!!!! GET OUT!!!!!" and he does. Now if he would just STAY out. That would be nice.

  4. Bella - if you keep missing your ex, that only means you need to improve your aim!

  5. You just carry on telling as you find FernWise-it's often what is needs to be said.
    Your blueberry pie sounds delish.

  6. I love this entry. For one thing, um, the person who unfollowed you must have issues. This isn't insulting, it's actually a great piece of info that people need to be reminded of various points throughout life.

    I don't understand people who are constantly ratting at others over things. Okay, so YOU decided to do something a certain way, it doesn't mean they have to follow you.

    My mom is *always* bringing up old gossip that just needs to be thrown under the bridge already. It's weird. I try to be sly and change the subject, but alas, no go.

    I also need to focus on the past not having to do affect me today and if it does, I need to change/fix whatever the problem is. Thanks for this reminder. :)

  7. Love your post.. for sure what we focus on grows, so why not focus on things we really want to happen, have or enjoy..